Two Birthdays
Our freedom comes at a significant cost, paid in full by our veterans and their families.
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One of our most cherished possessions is a silver dollar issued in 2005 to commemorate the U.S. Marine Corps’ 230th anniversary. This special coin was a gift from my father-in-law, Jim Raleigh, who became a Marine in 1963 at the age of 19. As the famous saying goes, “You don’t join the Marines; you become one.” Once you become a Marine, you are always a Marine. Therefore, every year, we celebrate two birthdays for Jim: his own and the Marine Corps’ birthday on November 10.
I previously mentioned in another post that I was nervous when my husband, Mike, introduced me to his parents for the first time. Since Mike told me that his father fought and was injured in the Vietnam War, I was naturally concerned that Jim might not be too enthusiastic about his son dating an Asian girl. However, shortly after meeting Jim, I realized my worries were unfounded. Although Jim fought in Vietnam, he was merely following orders. He holds no grudges against any Vietnamese or, by extension, anyone from Asia.
Once I got accustomed to Jim's unique sense of humor, we developed a great rapport. He often jokes that I am his favorite daughter-in-law, to which I quickly remind him that I am his only daughter-in-law, so there's not much competition. Our conversations are filled with lighthearted banter, and he clearly appreciates my ability to take his jokes and respond in kind. We bonded even more when I realized that we both are impatient when dealing with incompetence.
Like many war veterans, Jim prefers to keep his war-time experiences to himself. However, a few stories have managed to surface over the years, revealing the harsh realities he faced. One such story took place in 1965 when the military sent Jim and his fellow Marines to Japan for what was supposed to be training before their deployment to Vietnam. They practiced on beaches and were issued winter coats as part of their gear. Yet, upon landing in Vietnam, they quickly discovered that those winter coats were utterly impractical in the sweltering heat and humidity. Instead of fighting on beaches, they found themselves navigating dense tropical jungles and muddy rice paddies. Jim often reflects on how useless their so-called preparation in Japan truly was.
Another poignant story Jim shared involved care packages from his mother. She often filled those packages with homemade cookies. Each package, of course, was opened and inspected by the military. Whoever responsible for this process were typically careless, and rarely managed to repack the items as they found them, leading to missing treats upon arrival. The combination of the intense heat, inspections, and delays took a toll on those cookies remaining in package. When they finally reached Jim, they were often crawling with maggots. To this day, Jim doesn't like to eat rice because the sight of it reminds him of maggots.
Both stories may seem like minor incidents in the grand scheme of a geopolitical military conflict. Yet, they demonstrate, from a different perspective, why the Vietnam War was a misguided endeavor for the United States. The military leaders and government officials of that era were clearly out of their depth. They sent young men—someone else's sons—into a brutal conflict in a distant, unforgiving land. These young soldiers were forced to make incredible sacrifices without proper training, care, or a coherent strategy outlining their objectives or what victory would entail. Were the decision-makers arrogant, or, incompetent, or all of the above?
After my visit to the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington, D.C., I couldn’t help but ask Jim for his opinion. He replied that he didn’t care for it. Most Many war memorials are built from white marble, standing tall with statues of heroic figures or mythical beings. In contrast, the Vietnam War Memorial is crafted from black marble and features the names of soldiers who died or went missing. From afar, the memorial appears to gradually sink into the earth, reflecting a nation grappling with how to remember the Vietnam War and its veterans. The memorial was designed by Maya Lin, niece of famed Chinese architect Huiyin Lin (I discussed her story in a different post).
The design sparked significant controversy as many veterans didn’t like it, which prompted the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund to add a statue of three servicemen holding a flag at the entrance in an attempt to quell critics. This addition underscores the ongoing struggle to appropriately acknowledge the sacrifices made during a war that many still question its justification.
Jim was initially meant to serve in Vietnam for 13 months, but his deployment extended to 16 months. He returned home bearing serious injuries. Like many veterans, he sought to leave his war experiences behind. He put his medals in a drawer and rebuilt his life, including finding office work and starting a family.
In retirement, Jim devoted his time to charitable endeavors, becoming an "elf" who drove his friend Doug, dressed as Santa Claus, to deliver presents to children in need on Christmas Eve. Local elderly ladies adored Jim for his support in raising funds by baking bread for their church. To Jim, serving others in the community comes as naturally as breathing.
The Vietnam War took place before I was born. However, getting to know Jim, understanding his stories and sacrifices have provided a human face to the war, making it more than just an abstract historical event to me. No matter our individual feelings about the Vietnam War, we owe it to these veterans to show respect and honor. Many of them, including my father-in-law, were either teenagers or barely twenty when they were sent to fight in a foreign land. They followed orders, fulfilled their duty with honor and valor, and made immense sacrifices that often-included suffering life-changing injuries or giving their lives.
Once, while I was attending a conference in Las Vegas, the Marine Corps hosted a ball in one of the luxurious hotels. I walked past young Marines dressed in well-pressed uniforms, looking incredibly dashing. Their faces shone with the freshness of the morning sun. I couldn't help but feel a personal connection, wondering if Jim once looked just like one of them. I prayed that these Marines would stay safe and be protected by Providence as they moved forward in life. I also prayed for the wisdom of our nation's leaders, wishing they understood that a stroke of a pen could impact the lives of so many.
With Memorial Day weekend approaching, I want to express my profound gratitude to all veterans and their families for their immense sacrifices. This moment serves as a poignant reminder that our freedom comes at a significant cost, paid in full by our veterans and their families. We owe them a debt of gratitude that can never truly be repaid, and we must honor their courage and commitment to our nation.
While I never served "in" Vietnam, I was in the US Air Force from 1962-1966 and remember well the build up for the cause "to make the world safe for democracy." 53,000 young Americans died a senseless death in Vietnam and another 200,000 - 300,000 died of war related effects after returning home. We now need to honor them which was not done by this country when the men and women sent over there by our leaders returned. I visited the Vietnam Veterans memorial buried in the ground in Washington, D.C. like the leaders were trying to bury the memory of the war. More recent military conflicts show that even with Vietnam so recent, our leaders have not learned the lesson of not sending our military young to places we are not wanted and have no business going.
Let's keep the memory of those that gave their lives, either directly or indirectly, for the bogus war and prevent our leaders from repeating the embarrassing diabolical.