Thank You, My Loves!
My husband Mike and I spent last weekend at the University of Wyoming in Laramie, Wyoming. We had the privilege of meeting the first recipient of the Lucas & Allie Raleigh Memorial Scholarship for International Students attending the university.
Since the loss of our son Lucas in 2018, we've been on a journey to honor his memory. We’ve set up a memorial scholarship in his name for high school students who are bound for college through a nonprofit organization called “Minds Matter.” Last year, we expanded our scholarship offerings by establishing a memorial scholarship at UW, my alma mater. Our personal experiences have led us to focus on helping international students, a cause that is close to our hearts.
As a former international student, I empathize with the financial challenges many face. International students are not eligible for a Pell grant or student loans. Therefore, scholarships are often their only financial option. This is why my husband and I are committed to making the pursuit of knowledge a bit easier for a few international students.
We set up a scholarship for international students at UW last year. At the beginning of this fall semester, the UW Foundation awarded the scholarship for the first time. Soon after, we received a very gracious note from this first recipient, and to protect her privacy, I will call her V. She comes from a small country in East Europe, has a 4.0 GPA, and is on the Dean’s list. It was her major that sent chills down our spine. She studies speech therapy. Believe it or not, my husband Mike was a beneficiary of speech therapy treatments when he was a little boy. It felt like a divine intervention that the first scholarship recipient in memory of our children went to a young lady who will work in this noble profession upon graduation.
Through the contact at the UW foundation, my husband and I expressed interest in meeting this young lady in person if she doesn’t mind. We were thrilled that V quickly agreed to it. Hence, we traveled to Laramie last weekend to meet her at a local coffee shop.
A lovely young couple walked toward us as we sat down at the coffee shop after placing our orders. Even though we had never met before, we somehow recognized each other. We knew from V’s “Thank you” letter that she was here with her husband, T, who is also an international student at UW and, in fact, a PhD candidate for Petroleum engineering.
We learned through our conversation that T and V have been in the U.S. for a few years, spending their entire time as students at UW. For the first three years, the couple lived off T’s PhD student stipend, which wasn’t much, even for the low cost of living in Laramie. Despite this, the couple didn’t have a car during those years. They walked everywhere, including going to Walmart to get groceries at frigid temperatures during Wyoming’s long and harsh winter. Their resilience was inspiring, as they didn't see this as a complaint, but rather a minor discomfort that they accepted as a fact of life. Then, T and V expressed their heartfelt gratitude for how much our scholarship meant to them and how timely it was.
They couldn’t stop praising how beautiful Wyoming and Colorado are (now they have a car and often go shopping in Fort Collins, Colorado). Their love for America was palpable in their words, as they told us that they wanted to stay here, to live and work, like I have done.
As I listened to their story, I found it increasingly difficult to hold back my tears. Their journey mirrored mine in many ways: the financial struggles as international students, the deep love and appreciation for America, and the shared dream of building a productive life in this great nation. Their story deeply resonated with me, and I couldn’t help but feel a strong emotional connection to their experience.
Meeting V and T and listening to their stories was an affirmation to us that the scholarship is a worthy effort. Our hearts are also filled with gratitude to our children, Lucas and Allie, who, despite their short stay on this earth, made our hearts overflow with eternal love. Thanks to this eternal love from our children and blessings from God, we get to have a small impact on a few people’s lives.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and the 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. This morning, I received a text message from a friend who left Denver a few years ago. He just wanted me to know that he hasn’t forgotten what October 15th means to me. I do not doubt that a thoughtful friend like him is a gift from my angels, Lucas and Allie. I feel the love of my children in all the beautiful people and beautiful things in our lives: a caring friend, an awe-inspiring landscape, a gorgeous sunset, a face of a smiling child, and a piece of leaf that is changing color.
Time never fully heals the pain of losing my children, but my children found ways to ensure I didn’t live in bitterness and resentment. Their resilience and strength inspire me every day. I feel grateful because I am loved, and I get to spread love, too. On this particular day, I want to tell my kids, "Thank you, my loves."